One single feels “used up” at 56. Another fiftyish single is ready to have kids.Can you guess which one’s the man, and which one’s the woman? When we asked single adult readers to tell us about trying to find someone special in Knoxville, all the respondents had this in common: middle-age.But their adult dating experiences weren’t so much different than high school. A lot of awkward hook-ups, mistaken intentions, bad choices, bland encounters, and vows to never do it again … until next time.Most had been married. Only one is currently in a relationship. They had searched for mates online, at church, at work, in clubs and bars, through friends, in grocery story aisles. The usual.Their dating frustrations divided pretty evenly along the gender line. The women said men only wanted sex. The men complained women only wanted in their wallets. Some on both sides complained men/women were too shallow to see past exteriors and value a person for who he/she is on the inside.Again, the usual.A dating life can begin again at 50. Or 40. Or 85. There’s no magic guide for how to go about it. But, like the guy who grabbed the electric fence, our folks, none of whom wished to be identified with his or her surname, can tell you what to expect.Jean, 56, ended a 31-year marriage and has been single for four years. She’s looking for a 50/50 relationship.“I’ll cook, you clean. You mow, and I’ll trim. Or you trim, and I’ll mow.”Her ex-husband is an alcoholic. Her first serious relationship after the divorce was with a old high school acquaintance. He promised he didn’t drink. He lied.Jean tried an online dating service. One guy wanted her to come meet him in New York City.
To have sex. No thanks.
She couldn’t find any singles at her church. The men at the clubs were too young. She looked up an old friend, 60 and never married. “He really wanted to have two 20-year-olds,” Jean says.Jean is frustrated. She has lots of friends. Has her own money, thank you. But she’s tired of going home to her cat. She thinks her weight is a problem for men - she’s dropped 20 pounds, from 200 to 180. But she’s says her face is pretty and wrinkle-free.At first, Jean says she has no advice for singles. “If I had any good advice, I’d use it.”“I know one thing,” she concludes. And then offers a good bit of advice for women who haven’t dated since female aggression stopped being a sin.Jean’s dating advice: “This is 2008. If he doesn’t call a second time, I’m going to call him. Because maybe he’s shy. And maybe he didn’t think I was interested. So I won’t sit by the phone and wait for it.”Tim has been single for 13 years. He’s willing to talk about anything but his age. After a long dance around the subject, he admits to being 50. On the nose? Well, OK, 50-ish.“I look 45,” he says. He describes himself as trim and athletic. “So why should I tell my age? If I have a romantic evening, I will tell my age. But not until then.”Tim is the bane of single women his own age. He wants someone younger. Someone who is ready to be a mother. His six-year marriage was childless. Tim, too, hears the ticking of a biological clock. He wants a baby.“Having a child to carry on a name … weighs pretty heavy on a guy,” Tim says.He has had a few serious relationships since his marriage ended, all with women close to his own age. They all ended because the women either couldn’t have children or weren’t interested in having them.
So Tim says he is looking for a woman in her 30s or early 40s who wants to start a family.The problem there, he believes, is that guys in their 50s who attract younger women usually do it with cash.
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